


Balloons

by TS_Anxiety_Angst



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: and so sad, angsty as heck, i'm not sorry but, it's just, still sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-08 18:18:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14111235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TS_Anxiety_Angst/pseuds/TS_Anxiety_Angst
Summary: Angst about the loss of a friend





	Balloons

There were too many people around. Too many he didn’t know, and he couldn’t find the people he did.

The balloon in his hands was the only keeping him from a full-blown anxiety attack. He was supposed to write a message on it. Something he wanted to say to Patton now that he was gone, but he wasn’t sure there was enough room on the balloon for all of the things he wanted to say.

Patton had been with him since freshmen year when Virgil had just moved to the school. Despite his dark appearance, Patton was eager to befriend him and break through his walls. Though he rolled his eyes at his dad jokes and shyly rebuffed his praises, he had loved every moment he spent with Patton. He had introduced him to two new people whom he had grown to love. While Logan and Roman had been slow to accept him, they had become two indispensable people in his life.

Roman had gotten him out of his comfort zone by insisting he be a techie for one of his plays, just to see how Virgil liked it. It was stressful and crazy and he knew by the end of the night if one more actor moved something from the prop table he was going to strangle them. But it was fun. It was more human interaction than he was used to, but he was glad he did it. Every stupid stressful moment was worth it.

Logan had been the most understanding of his anxiety attacks. Before Logan, Virgil had almost nothing to combat the attacks. All at once he was left shaking and crying, curling in on himself. But Logan saw his struggle and asked if he could teach him ways to calm himself so that he would avoid the attacks to begin with and end them when he was faced with one. He found a breathing exercise that saved him more times than he could count over the years.

If it hadn’t been for Patton, he wasn’t sure he would have even crossed Logan and Roman’s radars.

“When you’re done writing what you have to say on your balloon, make sure to pass on the marker to the next person.”

Virgil’s grip on the balloon tightened. He still wasn’t sure what to write, though he was sure that whatever he eventually put down, Patton would love it. They had been friends, confidants, and lovers. Patton meant the world to Virgil.

And now his world was gone.

A marker was put into his line of sight and he glanced up to see Roman, more somber than he had ever seen the happy go lucky theatre prince.

Virgil took the marker as Roman sat down next to him in the grass. “It doesn’t have to be meaningful,” Roman said. “Just any thought you’ve had since he passed.”

Virgil uncapped the marker and slowly wrote:  _you’ve been gone a month and I get sad every time I think of you, but I swear I’ll be happy again. I promise._

He passed the marker to Logan with shaking hands. Logan was calm, completely still. Most would take it for indifference, but Virgil knew he was barely holding it together.

“Would any of his close friend’s like to say anything?” The three of them quickly looked at one another. Roman seemed like the obvious choice, but he could barely say Patton’s name without breaking. Logan was one mistake from completely falling apart and Virgil knew that it wouldn’t be pretty.

He climbed to his feet, careful of his balloon, and took the mic. He took a shaky breath before speaking. “I would say Patton was a kind person, but I don’t think that it would do him enough justice. He wasn’t proud, but he took pride in the people he chose to be around. He had a dad-like personality, so of course all of his jokes were terrible, he texted in full sentences, and his phone was outdated except it wasn’t broken so he wouldn’t upgrade.” He found himself smiling for the first time since he had passed. The funeral had been weeks ago, but until now, it had always felt like he had just left it.

“We were, uh, we were supposed to go to a concert next week. There was so much we were supposed to do, actually. We were supposed to complain about the summer heat. We were supposed to get older and move out of our houses. We were supposed to get homesick and visit our parents’ every day. We were supposed to come back because we’d be broke college students who couldn’t afford anything. We were supposed to grow up and finally figure out what we were going to do with our lives. We were supposed to live. We were all supposed to make it.”

Roman and Logan were suddenly at his side, because all at once he couldn’t hold on to anything. His balloon was in the first to catch wind and soon others followed suit.

It wasn’t long before the crowd dispersed, and Virgil sank to the ground, falling back to look at the sky as the balloons sent their messages to Patton. Tears streaked down his face, and for the first time he felt something close to peace.


End file.
